First dates can be stressful, for both men and women. All those little nagging questions in your mind can cause you to clam up and feel anxious or nervous. To help overcome those jittery nerves, turn to good conversation. Here are five tips to help break the ice:
1. Prepare Ahead of Time
Choose five topics that interest you ahead of time, so you know you can default to those if organic conversation doesn’t flow right away.
Choose at least one topic that is a national news item. This enhances the chances that your date will likely have something to add to the conversation.
If you found him/her through an online-dating site or app, look at his/her profile and learn a bit about what interests him/her. This is an easy way to get him/her to talk. Your goal should be to find someone who interests you. One of the best ways to do that is through conversation!
2. Don’t Do All of the Talking
Let him/her talk! Remember that you want to find out “who” he/she is, as a person.
If your goal is to get a second date, then letting him/her talk allows him/her to relax and enjoy the conversation.
A good goal for this tip is to use the 40/60 rule: you talk 40 percent of the time and let him/her talk 60 percent of the time. While he/she is talking, be attentive to what he/she says – ask questions and be engaged in the conversation!
3. Be Engaging, not Dismissive
Pay attention to what he/she says! You want him/her to feel that what he/she says is important to you.
This will help stimulate him/her to be more open and less nervous. A good way to be engaged in conversation is to ask questions that delve deeper than mere surface observation. But, don’t edit yourself and be genuine!
4. Focus on Hobbies and Activities
By talking about hobbies and activities, and why he/she enjoys them, you get to see more of who he/she is as a person.
This is a great way to find common interests! Things that you have in common are a positive and they can help him/her feel comfortable enough to accept a second date.
A good tip is to do something on the first date that he/she likes. This allows him/her to feel and be more of an authority. It also allows you the opportunity to ask more questions, which leads to stimulating and positive conversation, ensuring both of you will have a great time.
5. Share Experiences
Share your experiences, where they revolve around common interests. The goal here is to build trust, and finding experiences that you both may have shared is a great way to do that.
You can improve your odds of getting a second date through first-date conversation that is balanced, contains laughter, and reduces anxiety or nervousness.
About Jasbina Ahluwalia
Jasbina Ahluwalia adds a unique contribution to the Matchmaking industry – she has pioneered an approach to matchmaking, which blends the best of The East and West.
She is an Indian-American Attorney-turned-Entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host, and Matchmaker/Dating Coach.
She is the Founder & President of Intersections Match by Jasbina, the only Premier Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm for Indian Singles in the U.S., Canada, and the U.K.
A finalist in OPRAH’S search for a TV Host, she’s also been featured in the New York Times, San Jose Mercury News, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, and Entrepreneur Magazine.
She has also moderated/participated on panels at Harvard Business School, Wharton, Northwestern, and Columbia.
Jasbina previously practiced law in San Francisco and Chicago. She earned her B.A/M.A. in Philosophy from Vanderbilt University, and JD from the University of Michigan Law School.
To learn about Intersections Match by Jasbina, please visit: www.IntersectionsMatch.com.
Jasbina can be contacted at info@intersectionsmatch.com.
