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Dr. Kim The Relationship Fixer
The One That Loves the Less Has the Most Power!
Dear Dr. Kim:
I am a 43 year old female and, I work as a practicing attorney. I have three children ranging from age 10-19. I’ve been divorced for over ten years now and have had four unsuccessful long-term relationships in that time. It is hard for me to believe that I am in my mid forties, single, lonely and really don’t have a lot to show for my life so far. I have always had the reputation of being above average in looks and intelligence, but it seems that I am haunted by relationship misfortune and, I can’t believe how my life has turned out. 80% of the time I am lonely without any prospects of a mate and the other 20% of the time I am involved with someone who is not willing to commit to me. Dr. Kim, I am embarrassed to say that I find myself being the one more emotionally attached and vulnerable in most of my relationships. I definitely have had a problem with men wanting to go the distance with me and I am getting really tired of the unbalance. Dr. Kim, I would like some honest advice and I would like to know what is the likelihood that I will marry again? I feel that life has treated me unfairly and, I am desperate to change my luck around by having a man that desires to be there finally in my life ---- Lonely Lara
(Read On for Dr. Kim's Advice>>>)
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Dear Lara:
The one that loves the less has the most power. This statement does not mean that you should not allow yourself to love and love hard, but it does mean that if you see a pattern of unbalance in your relationships emotionally, financially or spiritually and you are constantly the one giving, wanting and sacrificing the most, the likelihood of you marrying again drastically goes down. Lara, let’s look at the reality of your future: Unfortunately unlike many other women you can at least say that you been married before. It should bring comfort to you, even if you never get married again, that you have at least experienced the relationship journey of having a husband. Lara, the older we get, the more baggage we inherit. The more hurt and disappointment we are exposed to, the more children we have, and the more accustomed we become to our present lifestyle. Depending on our individual personality, we either become easier as a companion or harder as a companion.
We are easier when we realize that a mate should not be the final solution to our life, but simply an addition to our already full and complete life. We become harder when we become desperate and we hold on to a mate like they have the job of saving us from ourselves. Lara you mentioned that you are currently single and in your 40’s? Welcome to the Real World. Your concerns are shared by many. Many men are less likely to commit in a relationship until they are in their 40’s and 50’s. When they do commit, many of them are looking for women that are young enough to help them forget that they are aging themselves. Lara also please remember that when a man considers getting serious and emotionally attached to you, it also means that he is expected to attach, on some level, to your three children. On one aspect, it is a blessing that your children are getting older. From another aspect, many times it is harder for the outside mate to win over the acceptance of opinionated teenage children who are used to having their mother for themselves. Marrying you also means that your mate will have to deal with the constant presence or the constant absence of the father. Both situations have there challenges. Lara if you are finding that you are consistently the one that is out on a limb emotionally and the one constantly doing the giving, you may need to work on developing your confidence and self worth so that you can attract the right men in your life. We are always attracted to those who look like they have a place to go. And those who look like they have a place to go are usually the ones who are the first to be married.
(Read On for Dr. Kim's Closing>>>)
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You feel that life has treated you unfairly and you don’t have a lot to show for your life? All because you don’t have a man? Being a successful attorney, having three healthy children, being healthy yourself equals zero because of the absence of a man? If not having a man can so clearly blind you from seeing your other blessings, then it is best that you stay single until you can clearly cherish what is obviously right in front of you. Lara with or without a husband, you are probably doing better than most women in your age group.
I hope that you will learn to celebrate the success of yourself and your growing children regardless of who joins you in your future.
Blessings,
Dr. Kim
www.drkimspeaks.com
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------Dr. Kim------
Author, International Speaker and Conflict-Resolution Consultant
www.drkimspeaks.com
One of the best-loved trainers of our time, Dr. Kimberly Ventus-Darks or Dr. Kim as she is affectionately known, is a one-woman emotional typhoon who is taking America by storm. President of her own communications business, author, internationally renowned speaker, wife and mother, adjunct faculty member for four colleges, magazine advice columnist, national life strategist and former local TV talk show host, she has captivated audiences with her larger-than-life personality, bold style and no nonsense approach to assertive communication, dealing with difficult people and resolving conflict.
Her clients include Walt Disney, AT&T, Lucent Technologies, the State of Michigan, Army Corp of Engineers and dozens of others. She is also founder and president of Ventus-Darks Communications, and has coached thousands of people in personal and professional development topics. Dr. Kim holds a doctoral degree in interpersonal communication and administration from Union Institute. She is also degreed in business administration and has taught literature, English and public speaking on the college level. Her articles have been published in numerous national magazines and other publications, and she was a contributing author to the celebrated book, Wit and Wisdom from the Buppie Club. Her own motivational works include: If I’m So Special Why Do I Feel Ordinary?, Release It and Let It Go, and her popular No More Chains: The Real You – Getting It Back.
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